Things I accomplished yesterday:
Work:Nothing.
Self: I read a lot I walked. I had a nice lunch with a friend and I went to Half Price Books
Projects:I read quite a bit in both The Artist's Way and the music theory book I am reading. I went to Half Price to buy more books about the Hero's Journey (one froma woman's point of view)

Things I will accomplish today:
Work:Nothing til Monday.
Self: Eat well. Dance or walk. Drink at least 3 large cups of water. Avoid guilt and anger.
Projects: Read more in both books. Hopefully move on to the next music theory book. Outline Act I of main Proejct

Things I accomplished yesterday:
Work:Nothing.
Self: I enjoyed a quiet birthday and read a lot
Projects:I read quite a bit in both The Artist's Way and the music theory book I am reading.

Things I will accomplish today:
Work:Nothing.
Self: Eat well. Dance or walk. Drink at least 3 large cups of water. Avoid guilt and anger.
Projects: Read more in both books. Hopefully move on to the next music theory book.

A dear friend is doing a daily accountability/goals project. I ahve decided to use my lj to do this as well. I probably won't do much more than that here, and if it's annoying, well, delete me. I still refuse to make posts private.

The categories I see so far:

Work: setting up and maintaining the business.
Self: Personal goals, like exercise and weight-loss.
Projects: yeah, those...

Okay so,

Things I accomplished today (yesterday):
Work:I finally got back to some real programming issues on the site.
Self: I ate a little better than I have been and I walked.
Projects:I asked Daniel flat-out if he really wants to work on a musical with me. He said he does and he also want to do a jazz duo. I played with a few songs for said idea. I also worked with a character sketch for said musical.

Things I will accomplished tomorrow (today):
Work:Finish at least 80% of the to do list with the exception of actual music composition: all content pages, news module, tos and eula formatting, issue with wav downloads.
Self: Eat well. Dance or walk. drink at least 3 green cups of water. Avoid guilt and anger. Work on 12 month plan.
Projects:Work on treatments for both Owen & Izzy and the new project. Do some jazz and technical exercises.

Here I am again.

Trying to rebuild.

I think it's time to let go of the phoenix as a totem. I tire of ashes in my hair.

I had a dream that I had the means to make everyone I know and love happy. I woke up and everything was just the same.

It was a nice dream.

In a recent experience with a boy, I told him he was being unfair. He proceeded to tell me that Life is Unfair. I should have responded to that directly. I didn't have an opportunity. He would not listen to me.

I will comment here, as I need a history of this thought process.

It is true. Life is unfair. Absolutely. But people don't need to be. That's a choice. People can choose to act and react as they want to. People can consider feelings. People can prioritize needs.

I was watching a documentary with Joseph Campbell. He was describing the psyche. And he talked of the self as a dot in the bottom of a circle below a line that expressed consciousness. And the Ego was above the line in a square. He explained that the square represents buildings, our desire to create things non-organic, against the flow of nature. And it seems to me that choice is the square. We can choose to go against the basic nature that Life is Unfair.

So, to be a person means to take responsibility. To build your box.

And not blame Nature when you can't deal with the repercussions of your decisions.

Just broke through the barrier that kept me from understanding how the first act of my main project should work.

Now, I just need to write it.

I realize that I wasted years on the last boy (well, not the last boy, but that boy I talked about so much on here). But, there was love and poetry and Tori and my mom's death. I was invested. This one... not so much.

I am expanding. Watch out. Doors and windows will blow. Just to be bigger than him, that minuscule whatever that I wasted too much time on. But it never feels like a waste, as it happens. It feels like inevitability. And I wonder, when will his beautiful face not enter my mind when I wake. And when will that song stop playing. 'Seems as though you never know/when things are better left alone". No, I don't mind...

At all. But, I can't wait. I must go supernova. I must be free.

Too much to do. Stories. Songs.

I told him he free'd a bit of one story. And he did. But I still waver. Waiting.

Must blow. Through Campbell. Through Nabokov. Through all the little pieces I think I need to puzzle together this story. This gift.

Enough.

Time to be.

I have decided to attempt a NaNoWriMo once again.

The only things I am sure of are that the story will involve theatre and it will somehow be meta fiction.

We'll see.