On my facebook, I posted a status. I said that I have experienced a lot of beauty and that, for this, I was blessed. And this is true. But I was talking about art. And things that could be inspiration for art if I was smart enough to do anything about anything.
I don't expect this update to have anything coming close to any real structure. I just need to vent. And I need at least some eyes to see it, but not the Facebook kind of seeing. I'm not looking for comments or anything. I just need to get rid of some things.
I made a really bad decision about two years ago and ever since, I have not been able to get back on track. I have had opportunities; probably more than most. But no real forward motion. Perhaps, a fair amount of introspection, but that's only worth so much.
Two years ago, I left Apple and moved out of an apartment I loved. I was going to try something new. I probably could have tried that new thing where I was. I probably could have figured something out to stay there. But, I was scared and needed change, so I acted rashly. Nothing has been easy since. Which is funny, because at first, everything in Austin was easy. I got work easily. I was doing better than I ever had in my life. And since then, not so much. It almost feels like I've been punishing myself for that decision ever since.
And I have no idea how to fix it.
Well, not right now, anyway.
I've had miserable roommate experiences since then and all I want in the world is my own space.
And the energy to write.
I don't expect sympathy. I did this to myself. I just needed to say something. Although, I only touched on how I feel right now.