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E. Quivocate
24 December 2010 @ 06:11 pm
I realize that I wasted years on the last boy (well, not the last boy, but that boy I talked about so much on here). But, there was love and poetry and Tori and my mom's death. I was invested. This one... not so much.
 
 
E. Quivocate
24 December 2010 @ 05:40 pm
I am expanding. Watch out. Doors and windows will blow. Just to be bigger than him, that minuscule whatever that I wasted too much time on. But it never feels like a waste, as it happens. It feels like inevitability. And I wonder, when will his beautiful face not enter my mind when I wake. And when will that song stop playing. 'Seems as though you never know/when things are better left alone". No, I don't mind...

At all. But, I can't wait. I must go supernova. I must be free.

Too much to do. Stories. Songs.

I told him he free'd a bit of one story. And he did. But I still waver. Waiting.

Must blow. Through Campbell. Through Nabokov. Through all the little pieces I think I need to puzzle together this story. This gift.

Enough.

Time to be.
 
 
 
E. Quivocate
23 October 2010 @ 12:58 am
I have decided to attempt a NaNoWriMo once again.

The only things I am sure of are that the story will involve theatre and it will somehow be meta fiction.

We'll see.
 
 
E. Quivocate
20 October 2010 @ 02:45 am
I am eating a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup at 2:45am. Now, THAT is interesting.
 
 
 
E. Quivocate
20 October 2010 @ 02:33 am
I thought I might have something interesting to say after waking up in the middle of the night because I fell asleep way too early after pigging out on amazing nachos (more like a salad on top of chips) after work. Not that the sleep would yield interesting things. More, the quiet.

2:15 am.

Quiet.

I've had a lot of thoughts recently I have tried to compose into posts and failed. Stuff about the suicides. Stuff about mediocrity. Stuff about officious ex-military wankers (actually just one, but the plural scanned better) in my training class. Stuff about the production of RENT I saw recently. Nothing seems to come when I sit down to it. I am not sure why. I know I keep talking about this. About the change from the old LJ days, but it's just so profound to me.

Is it just simply that I have become more private? I don't think so. I still go into explicit detail about my life to anyone who'll listen. Is it a shift in the way we communicate? Something that's maybe centered around the phenomenons of Myspace and Facebook? Possible. Is it a lack of audience? Hmmm... I hope not, but possible.

I'm not sure.

But, I find it interesting.
 
 
 
E. Quivocate
18 October 2010 @ 08:39 pm
I was trying to write a post about my new job. It was boring the fuck out of me. This does not mean the job is boring. I am quite sure I will like it. But, talking about it seems to not be very interesting. So, yeah... that's about where I am leaving that.
 
 
 
E. Quivocate
15 October 2010 @ 03:22 pm
Trying to get back to this.

Too many thoughts allowed to stray. Maybe because I needed some privacy. Or maybe I had this strange idea that I wasn't interesting enough anymore to think every thought was worthy of an entry. And, of course they aren't, but that's not really the point, is it?

I never did this for anyone's validation. I did this for a place to let things percolate. And they did, here. More than anywhere else. So, I am going to try as hard as I can to use this as the tool I did before.

I need something back that I have lost.

And all I can do is hope this is it.
 
 
E. Quivocate
23 September 2010 @ 05:53 pm
So, I got a call today from the company I have been interviewing with. They needed my driver's license number to continue with a background check (the application was a little confusing when it came to this information). I have a very strong feeling that they wouldn't pay for a background check if they weren't still considering me. So, I am expecting a call from them pretty soon.

But, currently I am still in a difficult place. I know that when I have the job abolutely (which I am 98% sure of), I will be able to get help from a certain source until I get paid. So, yeah, I am asking for help again. I have been staying at a weekly place and rent is due tomorrow. I am completely broke. I am hoping, after this, I will not have to ask for help again.

So, if you can help, please do. My paypal is jaysen@jaysen.org. Anything will help and if you need it back, just tell me. It might take me a little while, as I do owe a lot of people a lot of money right now. But, I am almost completely sure this is almost over.

Of course, happy thoughts are alway appreciated. Negativity, however is not. Please keep that to yourself.

Thanks
Jaysen
 
 
 
E. Quivocate
26 July 2010 @ 06:28 pm
I read through most of my LJ this weekend. I miss the way I used to communicate. I miss writing.

I tried to start up again, recently. Facebook distracted me. Facebook does not do for me what LJ does. I can do both. Facebook takes no effort.

We'll see how long this lasts.
 
 
E. Quivocate
30 January 2010 @ 07:21 pm
Him: i wouldn't be debating chaos theory with him, jaysen, i don't care if he has brains
Me: you don't debate chaos theory after sex? Maybe, that's what I've been doing wrong